I am officially harassed. I'm stuck in an office space somewhere in the CBD of Nairobi, rooted to a back breaking seat, my eyes transfixed onto an illuminating screen, totally and without a doubt, harassed to the point of committing irredeemable suicidal damage to whoever dares call me up once more about a deadline or another, that i supposedly have not yet met.
Who said deadlines are supposed to be kept anyway? Who in their right mind expects a mere woman to be successfully tethered to one spot, when it is evident that God blessed us female primates with several talents and abilities? How then does someone expect me then, to in turn veer out the very existence bestowed upon me by 'He who knew best' not to create a 360 hr day, but a 24hr one?
Who may i ask, are these very intelligent white sheep who must stay tethered to some big black rule book of dos and don't, rules i know not their origin? Don't they live in the same fast paced world that I live in? Or are they simply alien to the fact that human nature must at one time in someones life set in, take over and grab what belongs to it? Can't i be allowed to indulge my mind a little; set it free to wander for an hour or more, on a journey where there are no significant pursuits or hot deals to follow up on?
I refuse categorically and unashamedly to be dragged into the pit of 'white sheep' whose wool will soon be sheared by their very own shepherds who wittingly lead them to their slaughter. I will instead allow my mind to wander and think of nothing; silently murmuring to myself, "life's too short," for i am indeed the stubborn one.
I was stubborn for a long time even before i understood or could pronounce the terminology. I remember in my childhood, changing friendships the instant i began to feel ridiculous bounds of kinship beginning to take form in the said relationships. Why should we all of a sudden be obliged to dress in a certain way, or walk in a certain way, or even murmur only to a specific breed of people just because we were one? I refused to worship the 'queen' girl of the group and with it was shunned and labeled different. I was indeed a unique person, a kind of original plan that can not easily be found or deciphered.
My mother always wondered out loud at my strange compulsion to be couped up in my attic bedroom staring outside through the grilled window at my playmates, instead of joining the little girls in their radiant peals of laughter. I instead, preferred to quietly watch and study the little characters, as if in a set play; vowing never to be like them.
In high school, in rebellion i joined the drama team; only because everyone who thought they were somebody thought i'd never make it past the auditions. So i made it my priority to dance like a mad woman and shout like i had irreplaceable vocal chords. (though all through my years' performances i reeked of a nervous breakdown.)
In campus i handed in all my assignments and term essays before their time, way before anyone else could start to blink, or figure out the answers to the elusive questions. I did this, not because my IQ was greater than everyone else's, but just so they could think it was. This worked all through my four academic years and i graduated with my esteemed degree, no one ever suspecting how hard i had struggled through micro economics and calculus.
It should not come as a surprise to anyone who knows my eerie background therefore,my duty that is , however insane to the outsider, is to continue to be big headed, ignoring the screeching phones at my desk that are yet to ruin my eardrums and are seeking an immediate unplugging.
No! For the very life of me I will be dancing to my own directed tune and no other. I will not respond to time lines nor will i be forced to be like the white sheep, who unwillingly and untruthfully act out of character. I will remain true to myself for I am a unique self and i love me to the of core, understanding and embracing my limits! Yes, i am what one may call a control freak; a freak in control of me!
I think its now time i pick up this crazy phone and tell someone somewhere, that I shall be through with the given assignment, or project, or whatever the case, by my agreed time.
After all, I do work for myself don't I?
Who said deadlines are supposed to be kept anyway? Who in their right mind expects a mere woman to be successfully tethered to one spot, when it is evident that God blessed us female primates with several talents and abilities? How then does someone expect me then, to in turn veer out the very existence bestowed upon me by 'He who knew best' not to create a 360 hr day, but a 24hr one?
Who may i ask, are these very intelligent white sheep who must stay tethered to some big black rule book of dos and don't, rules i know not their origin? Don't they live in the same fast paced world that I live in? Or are they simply alien to the fact that human nature must at one time in someones life set in, take over and grab what belongs to it? Can't i be allowed to indulge my mind a little; set it free to wander for an hour or more, on a journey where there are no significant pursuits or hot deals to follow up on?
I refuse categorically and unashamedly to be dragged into the pit of 'white sheep' whose wool will soon be sheared by their very own shepherds who wittingly lead them to their slaughter. I will instead allow my mind to wander and think of nothing; silently murmuring to myself, "life's too short," for i am indeed the stubborn one.
I was stubborn for a long time even before i understood or could pronounce the terminology. I remember in my childhood, changing friendships the instant i began to feel ridiculous bounds of kinship beginning to take form in the said relationships. Why should we all of a sudden be obliged to dress in a certain way, or walk in a certain way, or even murmur only to a specific breed of people just because we were one? I refused to worship the 'queen' girl of the group and with it was shunned and labeled different. I was indeed a unique person, a kind of original plan that can not easily be found or deciphered.
My mother always wondered out loud at my strange compulsion to be couped up in my attic bedroom staring outside through the grilled window at my playmates, instead of joining the little girls in their radiant peals of laughter. I instead, preferred to quietly watch and study the little characters, as if in a set play; vowing never to be like them.
In high school, in rebellion i joined the drama team; only because everyone who thought they were somebody thought i'd never make it past the auditions. So i made it my priority to dance like a mad woman and shout like i had irreplaceable vocal chords. (though all through my years' performances i reeked of a nervous breakdown.)
In campus i handed in all my assignments and term essays before their time, way before anyone else could start to blink, or figure out the answers to the elusive questions. I did this, not because my IQ was greater than everyone else's, but just so they could think it was. This worked all through my four academic years and i graduated with my esteemed degree, no one ever suspecting how hard i had struggled through micro economics and calculus.
It should not come as a surprise to anyone who knows my eerie background therefore,my duty that is , however insane to the outsider, is to continue to be big headed, ignoring the screeching phones at my desk that are yet to ruin my eardrums and are seeking an immediate unplugging.
No! For the very life of me I will be dancing to my own directed tune and no other. I will not respond to time lines nor will i be forced to be like the white sheep, who unwillingly and untruthfully act out of character. I will remain true to myself for I am a unique self and i love me to the of core, understanding and embracing my limits! Yes, i am what one may call a control freak; a freak in control of me!
I think its now time i pick up this crazy phone and tell someone somewhere, that I shall be through with the given assignment, or project, or whatever the case, by my agreed time.
After all, I do work for myself don't I?
For other featured blogs posted by Lilian visit: http://www.ofuntoldstories.blogspot.com, http://www.tumbaexpressions.blogspot.com
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